fell in love {again}

my heart belongs to the ocean. the pacific ocean. northern pacific ocean. bodega bay, dillon, stinson, to be precise. this last weekend, during a prolonged glimpse rendezvous to my childhood home with my closest – my life supports, i dipped my toes (well, up to my thighs, really) in my serenity. my pacific. cold as ice, briney, delicately strewn puffy seaweed – intoxicating all my senses. rejuvenating my core dna, dreams, every fiber that makes me – me. and sharing with these gorgeous five was a dream in itself.

{a song} someday | we’ll live in a house on a hill with lots of flowers. we’ll dance til sunrise on the back porch in the moonlight. sounds of silver azur below taunt us with dreams that one day will become our own promises grasped and taken. you will be there, as we walk hand in hand through the water. smiling in my eyes as the wind blows my reflection.

… f a i t h … {a sound experience}

faith at 5:40pm an impromptu piece i composed on the spot while praying for my dear friend’s 13 year son who is fighting leukemia. it’s just ‘in-the-moment’ praying with my fingers. no forethought that went into the melodies, harmonies, rhythms. recorded with my iPhone.

“It is good to have an end to journey toward;

but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”

[Ursula K. LeGuin]

and the journey {requires} faith…..
hard. stretching. challenging. uncomfortable. wonderful. inspiring. rewarding. beautiful. amazing.

Matthew 18:19 “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.”

did you read that aloud? personally, i am trying to work this out in my inner-being. really? this is a crazy statement. right now, at this very moment i can count at least 50 people who are believing. agreeing. hoping for the complete healing from leukemia in our dear friend’s 13 year old son. and really, what is happening…. is about this journey – this process of believing. when i read that declaration, expression, assertion, announcement, proclamation, i’ll be honest…. my mind goes directly to those who have lost the battles with cancer. right? what does He mean? “anything you ask for – it will be done.” seriously?

I heard this story about a man who believes that God still heals today (just like the stories in the Bible). When he began the {journey} of praying for other people to be healed, seemingly small ailments such as headaches, sore throats, elbow pain were huge…scary.. frightening to him. his faith level was near non-existent. then his father was diagnosed with cancer. bigger than huge. he described it as a boulder. impossible to move. during his father’s battle with cancer, this man learned to pray. pushing this boulder with all his might, every day, every night. this man’s father died. he was not able to move the boulder. it would seem his prayer was not answered. it would seem that the Messiah’s declaration above was a hoax, a lie, a gimmick. but… but… but those headaches. those broken bones. neck pain. knee problems. hip problems. they became small stones for him. like pebbles to throw out across a pond. not scary anymore. easy. through the  p r o c e s s of praying for his father, his faith was stretched. it grew.

[stretch: extend, lengthen, prolong, expand]  [grow: increase, swell, multiply, flourish, thrive]

this man now prays for cancer and people are healed. yeah, i want that kind of faith. and i’m not interested in the gray matter (who gets to, who doesn’t get to be healed.)
i’m on the journey. and it has been hard. and it will be hard.
but it’s beautiful and it’s amazing.

…Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see…. {Hebrews 11:1}

{Floating}

The largest hot-air balloon gathering in the world,, Chambley, France, originally uploaded by gbatistini.

A poem. by me. today.

raised, erect
hands, head
all my weight
on my toes
waiting
reaching
peering
straining to see, to be, to…
b e l o n g.
wanting: insatiable
undesired gray time held tightly in my hand…..
r e l e a s e d .
swirling mistruths emptied to a lifeless pile.

I. am there. I. am there.

raised, erect
hands, head
weightless
satiating inheritance
a feast for kings
delighted to be devoured
lifted to the { h e i g h t s }

———————-

…..And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms… [Ephesians 2:6]

~ glorieux ~ et les couleurs VERT et BLEU

pic by Martjusha

This is my {happy} place. My childhood vision of peace and serenity. The place I could go and be nothing but myself. My glorious self. In my mind the trees were a little more willow-y and the grass perhaps a little longer (so you could lay down and not be seen) and on the other side of that hill are a handful of craggy cliffs, jagged with a perfect pathway down to the crashing tide, whose symphony wafts upwards to the green sea of peace.

Back up. “My glorious self”? My inner soul shouts – yes! Glorious.  I was made in the image of God himself – sounds GLORIOUS to me. I do love to escape to this happy place still – it’s a place where i can breathe deep [necessity!!] calm down and feel loved and while I’m resting in that silky, billowy grass, looking up at the clouds….  I’m praying just like the apostle Paul ::

“I pray that out of his {GLORIOUS} riches he may strengthen [me] with power through his Spirit in [my] inner being, so that Christ may dwell in [my heart] through faith. And I pray that [I], being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that [I] may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” [Ephesians 3:16-19]

pic by valentins_k

: : :  plus sur le VERT & le BLEU : : :

{GREEN} Green is the color of nature, fertility, life. Grass green is the most restful color. Green symbolizes self-respect and well being. Green is the color of balance. It also means learning, growth and harmony. Green is favored by well balanced people. Green symbolizes the master healer and the life force. Green contains the powerful energies of nature, growth, desire to expand or increase. Balance and a sense of order are found in the color green. Change and transformation is necessary for growth, and so this ability to sustain changes is also a part of the energy of green.

{BLUE} Blue is the coolest color – the color of the sky, ocean, sleep, twilight. The ancient Egyptians used lapis lazuli to represent heaven. A pure blue is the color of inspiration, sincerity and spirituality. Blue is the calming color.  >Turquoise is the symbol of youth, both the color and the gemstone. This color has a soothing affect. Turquoise is the color of communication. It contains the growth quality of green with the blue quality of communication. Turquoise has long been used in amulets to provide protection, health, confidence and strength. Blue gives a feeling of distance. Artists use it to to show perspective. This is a good way to understand the energy of the color blue – it allows us to look beyond and increase our perspective outward. It contains a cool vibration that is helpful to communication. The vibration if blue can be used to open energy flow where it is blocked. Using blue to relax will encourage feelings of communication and peace.

DESTINY :: à travers la port

un voyage, aventure… mon destin

{ MY  D E S T I N Y }

… todays’s post is inspired by an email from a dear friend who always speaks life into my soul… encouraging, rooting me on in the things that have been promised for me, pulling me on towards hope in my destiny… holding up the r e a s o n s , the the W H Y …. today is about the doors… not the doors that are yet to be opened, but the doors that are waiting for me… already open… waiting for me to get there – to walk through…

….today is about renewal and hope…. remembering my promise:

God, your God, will place you on high, high above all the nations of the world. All these blessings will come down on you and spread out beyond you because you have responded to the Voice of God, your God: God‘s blessing inside the city, God‘s blessing in the country; God‘s blessing on your children, the crops of your land, the young of your livestock, the calves of your herds, the lambs of your flocks. God‘s blessing on your basket and bread bowl;
God‘s blessing in your coming in, God‘s blessing in your going out. [Deuteronomy 28:1-6, The Message]

Smelling the Roses {or the equivilent}

Breathe In………..

image from mary ruffle via AbsolutelyBeautifulThings

Red Azaleas Singing and Dancing Rock and Roll Music, Painting by Alma Thomas, 1976

I happened upon this painting in  Style Court, one of my favorite blogs and I am so pleased that I did. You can read more about Alma Thomas here. I thought it fitting to include her in my “smelling the roses” theme as she took her inspiration from her garden and the changes she watched take place there day after day. She describes it… “I got some watercolors and some crayons, and I began dabbling,” she said. “Little dabs of color that spread out very free…that’s how it all began. And every morning since then, the wind has given me new colors through the windowpanes.”

Let’s say that again… Every Morning the wind gives me new colors through the windowpanes. ahhhhhh. that’s like smelling the roses. no matter what kind of blurry icky mess – tomorrow there will be – there CAN be new colors. “little dabs of color that spread out very free…”

And Last but not least……

Avec toi, j’irai jusqu’au bout du monde / Carte paysage

Sur la bonne piste / Carte paysage

Allez viens, Minou ! / Carte paysage

cultivacoeur / Carte carrée

loterie / Carte carrée

dédé / Carte carrée

marché / Carte carrée

mister ballo / Carte carrée

Jardin Secret by French Illustrator Aurelie Guillerey.

…………………. Breathe Out

repeat as often as needed

Joy comes in the Morning

Vecht, originally uploaded by Harry Mijland (dear harry).

I cannot tell weather the sun is going up or coming down in this photo, but i am absolutely smitten by it. Either way, i love the way the light shines through the trees on the right. overpowering them, making the leaves completely invisible.

I am really good at visualizing something. I use it in my singing (the vocal mechanism and the resonance is all inside your body: throat, chest, head) that visualizing the sound going different places in your head, mouth, etc is a necessity in achieving the right sound. Or, I am an expert on visualizing what my living room will o n e d a y look like. I’m so good at it that I almost get used to living without the actual *tangible* thing. and i am at this point now where i wonder if it’s setting me back. I stopped to think today about the big things i visualize {dream} about…. and i wonder how i would actually function in that space | in that place. Have i gotten so used to hearing my inner dialogue about the “somedays” and joy coming “in the morning” that i wouldn’t recognize the NOW???
What if i could pay all my bills? What if I had those beautiful blue drapes in my living room? What if I didn’t worry when i drove to the grocery store? What if my husband could take care of his family while painting away hour after hour – creating magic that comes only from heaven…. my mindset would definitely need to change. i don’t want to constantly be in that “not yet” mindset, but i also don’t want to be discontent. i want to dream, but also see the dreams realized.
Perhaps it’s a culmination of many mornings… after many many many nights…

like it’s heaven on earth….

{“The Love” by rejoice}

“Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening.

Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth.”

{Mark Twain}

At this point in my new adventure with blogging, I find myself like a dammed river, uncomfortably waiting to press through and explode – but also quite content to hold it all back. I turn to one of my favorite quotes I happened upon sometime ago by Mark Twain (posted above) which has become a mantra of sorts for me. The part I am stuck on today is the loving….. like you’ve never been hurt. e v e r.  today was a sad excuse of existence for me in this venture. every no-good deed that has ever been done to me came rushing through my pores. anger, bitterness, harsh words, ugly, ugly, ugly. I write as a kind of purging – an acknowledgment. A request of forgiveness to myself and an acceptance of that request. As I finish out this night and this grueling day, I have hope for a new morning…. and a new resolve to love and be loved the way love is intended….

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  1 Corinthians 13.